YIKES!!!

OK, Lessee...

Thursday night, after having far far too many medicines for migraine injected and swollowed into me... I finally slept and what a shitty dream I had.

FIRST
the guy who is pursuing me in real life (well, he is leaving me alone now) in real life he is recently released from prison and wants me to be his woman. In the dream, I thought I had shook him off, but he arrived in my parents house (not my real parents house... my dream RICH parents house) and I am housesitting alone, and he tries to call me and then breaks into the back door as I have locked all doors but miss the back one. I can tell he loves me, I cannot help him, and I ask him to leave (big black guy, thugish....not in real life is he thuggish, in real life he is normally pretty subdued) But he is thuggish and has a pistol. ANd he tells me as he leaves tearfully, that he will need to find some other woman and hold her at her knees at gunpoint for my rejection and he will shoot her. I let him leave because I am afraid.

THEN
I see my father, but he is not my real father, he is a man who lives in the house and loves my family... except today he is planning on killing us all as he has gone mad and totally lost his mind. I know his face. He was my last lover, and in the dream, I barely know him at all, he is in my family and he is going to kill us all. So I am trying to lead him away from the house and into the world. Funny, we are in the Neatherlands somewhere, and nobody speaks my same language.
I run across a dike, I try to tell the townspeople... I am alone in the knowledge that he has snapped. He then reveals his knives to me, and tells me he will kill my brothers. (who are just kids in the dream, even though they are 28 and 30 in real life.

I must protect them.

I run this guy all over creation, always a few steps ahead, always afraid.
Finally, I bring him back to the home (swanky, big, lush, rich) and my family is there. They are happy to see him, and he seems loving and tender, but I know better, I know his heart has gone crazy.
And nobody sees it but me. He has confided in a moment of sheer madness and showed me the knives. But in the dream as it stands, in front of the family, he is the same old family member (but a remarried husband) and nobody believes me.

Then

He vanishes.

whew!

and it is my Mother's birthday (it was her birthday this weekend in real life)
and I have no gift.
due to trying to save my families life and all.
So I take my two younger brothers to the Wallgreens to pick up some crappy gift. We have only 10 dollars.

My real father makes an appearance.

BOY am I glad to see him.
at least he is not nuts!!
and he offers to pitch in an additional 10 bucks.
We pick out a windchime (horribly ugly)
and consider a box of cheap chocolates for mom.

then I wake up.


OK

THEN on Friday night:

Such a looong dream.
In real life, Mary is my aunt who is 6 years older than me, Mary was fond of raping me in my sleep. Lesbian rape sucks just as bad,,, well, maybe not as bad physically, but emotionally, it's the same esp. when you are only 10 years old.

So Mary also had a fondness for stealing from me. And stole $200.00 from me that I saved up from babysitting to buy my extensive family Christmas gifts. I was like, 9 or 10
She fucking bought herself a leather mini skirt and told everyone how irresponsible I was to loose that kind of money. Fucking nutjob. , she was about 16, maybe 17.
She tortured me too in several ways. actual torture. I cannot sleep well now from her scaring the crap out of me all the time and of course the nighttime rapes.

SO

we are adults, and it is like Christmas time or family time or something... and fucking Aunt MAry deliberatly steps in front of me, cutting me off as I intend to go and speak to someone. She does this to undermine me and assert her power.

I FUCKING CLOCK HER ONE Damn, it felt good.
She is famous, like Madonna, and has bleached her hair quite blonde.
I grasp a handfull and beat her ass, punching her face and calling her out her name as they say....
I am soo pissed off that I just let her have it.

"Oh, I have not done anything to you...." she whines.

"Not true!" says my other aunt... one of the only sane ones...
"you were always picking on her!!"

Vindicated, I continue to whoop her ass. She SOOO has it coming, she is a prick to everyone in the family.

I accuse her of stealing from Grandma, something she did to the tune of thousands of dollars in real life over the years. My gramma protests (Mary is her favorite , and youngest in real life) I scream at Gramma that she IS a theif, and Mary's husband begins to protest the harsh beating, but he does not DARE get in my way.
I tell her about how dream me still has nightmares about her and her shitty abuse and how I want to steal from her in my dreams (in my real life dreams) and make her suffer loss like I always had to (She would in real life, steal my best Xmas presents and hide them so she could have them after we left)

Well, so I beat Mary's ass, and I am quite sure I will not ever dream of her again.

Finally, some rest.


OK AND THEN!!!

Last night.

In real life my Grandma took care of war vetrans in her home and was a total bitch to them, abusive and cruel emotionally. I always was nice to them, even though they scared me. I gave them respect when she did not even treat them like human beings. She did not treat her kids (except Mary) like human beings either, nor me... well, sometimes I remember bonding with gramma, but not often. It could have been the brain tumor though, she had a big one remove when I was about 17.... anyway...

In the dream, she is still taking care of the guys, they are all quite old... in their 80's... grandma too. and one of them is new
younger than 80, maybe 65-70 and he is murderous.

So I spend the night trying to outrun murderous vetran who has collected metal um.... ling thin steel pins or something that he intends on shoving into my families hearts to kill them.

Me my gramma and mary.
cause we all live there in the country. I see he has 3 pins collected, rusty pins, ready to shove into our hearts.

So I spend my dream trying to figure out a way to warn everyone (even fucking aunt mary... who does NOT make an appearance in this dream at all)

And then I wake up.

there was more i am sure, just cannot remember.

And so, these are the anxiety dreams one has after a week of continuous heavy duty migraine medication. (meication that has a side effect of severe anxiety)

It would have been nice to have had a close friend last week.

Yep, it would have been nice to know someone cared.

As it stands, my mom was that friend. She sent me a telephone hug and kiss. It helped.
Thanks Mom.