Florence Henderson

So I am at some kind of show.
A movie I think.
And I have great seats.
BED seats.
Yeah, like the queen of Sheba, I am laid out on a bed and watching a movie in a theatre... and to my left? Florence Henderson (Yeah, that's right, Mrs. Brady) and her date... he looks like James Brolin.

Anyway, I am just chillin' watching the movie, and for some reason, in the crowded theatre, I decide now would be a fine time to pick my nose. You know, like really go for it.

OK. I know, we all pretend not to do it, but truth of the matter is, on occasion, the batcave needs to be cleaned out. Especially for people with breathing problems like me.

I had a friend once, Darren, who used to pick his nose in public, just for the shock value. Oh he was soooo punk.

But anyway. After I am done, and all cleaned up, the movie ends, and I realize I have just picked my nose in front of a room full of people including Florence Henderson (and date).

I am preparing to exit, and she says something to me. Like actually remarks to me about the inapropriateness of my actions. And her date chimes in with his holier than thou two cents.

OK OK I think, I am not going to shuffle off. I did it, it was weird, but so what? who are they to judge me?

So I confront my tormentors, and face them and ask them to explain what was so offensive. We get into a debate apparently. I mean some kind of rant I go into. And eventually they get up and move to seats off to the side. Bad seats, seats where you can't see anything.

And of course I follow them.
And then, one of them calls me... I dunno, fat or something maybe? not sure what inspired it... but soon enough, I am giving ol' Florence a lap dance.
I mean I have my ass in front of her face and I am wiggling it and I am saying things like:
"See, it's curvy, it looks good right? touch it, you know you like it, you know you wish you had one like me."

And Florence is feeling on my ass and loving it.

Yeah, that's right, Mrs. Brady.

Now I do not have a thing for Mrs. Brady, or Florence, Or James Brolin!

I just have a thing for being myself and having people not make personal remarks about me.

I woke up then, shaking my ass back and forth in my own real life bed.
My cat (not Mrs. Brady)
was behind me, like: WTF is wrong with you?