Can't Bear It

I keep getting him on the phone.
In ways that are unusual.

Like, calling his sister.

First he tells me to call his sister
in a dream phone call

so i dream call her in a nother dream.

and she tells me he is not there.

and she hangs up the phone, but not really, and he is standing there.
My great friend, who i miss, and he speaks into the phone and tells me things.

like i love you.
and that we are always friends.

and i am terrified that this means
in real life
that the gang found him
on his last trip to the city
and that is why his cell phone is out of order.

he keeps telling me to call his sister.

I get a pit in my gut when i think about it.

i used to remember the words when i woke up, but i could not make myself write them.

We have been friends for years now. he says i am one of his most favorite people. The coolest white girl he knows.

It was his birthday in january, is why. i always try to make it special, being as he is an orphan and all. but i could not find him this time. Except for the dreams where he calls me to tell me to call his sister.